You may never swim again...

Water Foul

Ah, waterparks. Sliding down waterslides at high speeds with your bathing suit up your crack is the ultimate summer passtime. And on a hot and humid day, a dip in the hotel pool can be very refreshing. There’s just one small problem. Many people don’t wipe their ass very well. They also vomit and bleed. And kids are probably the worst. How many times have you seen a small child with diapers in a public pool? And if you think the chlorine is going to save you, think again.

Swimming is essentially communal bathing. The average rectum has about 0.14 grams of fecal bacteria on it even after a good cleaning. If someone decides a nice swim in the hotel pool will help with their diarrhea from the undercooked mussels, that bacteria will be stuck to their anus. And although chlorine will kill most common bacteria, not all microbes are created equal, and not all waterparks and pools are closely monitored. A pool’s chlorine should have at least 1 part of chlorine per million, and the PH should be about 7.5. Given that, chlorine will kill most disease causing microbes in under an hour, but that’s plenty of time to take a nice gulp of parasites after your next belly flop. It takes hepatitis A about 16 minutes to die, and it’ll take some parasites like Cryptosporidium parvum days to die. Scary.

Public and hotel hot tubs might be the worst place to sit if you want to avoid these parasites. High temperatures provide a breeding ground for bacteria and chlorine evaporates faster in high temperatures, rendering it less effective. Hot tub rash is a common skin infection caused by Pseudomonas aeruginosa. After a few days of contacting contaminated water, itchy skin develops which eventually turns into pus filled sores. It’ll clear up in a few days without any treatment but it doesn’t sound like fun. In many hot tubs, the piping doesn’t drain completely and can harbor bacteria and general scum. When the jets are turned on after resting a night, it shoots all that crap right into the water. These types of bacteria and fungi can cause urinary infections, skin infections, lung infections, and more. Nasty.

So what can you do? Other than never stepping foot in a water park, hot tub, or hotel pool again, there isn’t much you can do. You definitely shouldn’t be letting any water in your mouth at least. If your immune system is in good order, you’ll probably be able to fight off anything you come in contact with relatively easily, maybe after a few days of crapping your brains out. For the rest of us, take a shower before you go in public water and don’t go in if you’re sick with diarrhea. Same goes for the kids. And if you really like water parks but are really freaked out, maybe you should try a full body condom.